Because I Can

Decided that it was necessary to make a bizarre ad hominem attack on the name Fred. I don't know what's more bizarre - the fact that she thought to write this, or that the Post's standards are so low they would publish such drivel. This is the kind of thing I expect to see in the Sports pages, but not the serious news. I mean, really, the Washington Post published this:

In the swampy soup of hopefuls for the 2008 presidential election, there is
a man with a funny name. (No, not that one.)

We're thinking of the one named Fred (Thompson).

Say it out loud. Do it. Fred. Fred. In the South, Fray-ud.

Fur-red-duh.

It has the tonal quality of something being dropped on the floor, something
heavy and damp-ish.

Waterlogged paper towel.

Fred.

This lady also seems to borrow from the poetic stylings of Bill Plaschke. But it doesn't stop being awful right there.

There has never before been a major presidential candidate named Fred. There
were two Alfreds, in 1928 and 1936. But Alfred, being all British and Batman-y,
is not the same.

Wow, so you did research. This is where she goes on her rant about how Fred sounds like it should end in Rogers or Flintstone. Just for fun, here are all of the Presidential first names:

George
John
Thomas
James
James (2)
John (2)
Andrew
Martin
William
John (3)
James (3)
Zachary
Millard
Franklin
James (4)
Abraham
Andrew (2)
Ulysses
Rutherford
James (5)
Chester
Grover
Benjamin
William (2)
Theodore
William (3)
Woodrow
Warren
Calvin
Herbert
Franklin (2)
Harry
Dwight
John (4)
Lyndon
Richard
Gerald (Gerry)
Jimmy
Ronald
George (2)
Bill
George (3)

There has also never been a president named Joseph, David, Jacob, Matthew, Mark, Luke, Paul, Noah, or Adam. Rutherford and Jimmy sound more presidential though. Idiot.

Then there's this bit:

But is it, Dr. Smith, a sexy name?

Silence.

"I would not say that. The name Fred does not suggest blatant sexuality at
all."

This from a chick named Monica. Monica. Sorry, it's been a couple of years, but go ahead and click here for a reminder of what comes to mind when you think Monica (picture is clean, SFW, etc). Sorry Ms. Hesse, we can't all have names that conjure up dirty images.

Wag of the finger to Monica Hesse and the Post. But that still doesn't answer, why is Monica talking about what's in a name? Clearly, she had a deadline and some writer's block. Or maybe this is really the Onion. I don't know, but wow.

Labels: FJM Style rip, Politics, Tip/Wag